Dear Taylor: I Think I Have Herpes. Am I Too Young for This?

When you’re 18, love feels new. Every glance, every text, every “what are we?” talk carries the kind of excitement that makes life feel bigger.
But when herpes becomes part of that story, even something as common as cold sores, that excitement can suddenly turn into fear.

DEAR TAYLOR,

I’m 18, and I’m in my first real relationship with a girl I really like.
We haven’t even kissed yet, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and honestly, it’s been stressing me out.

Since I was around 4 years old, I’ve sometimes gotten cold sores, but I never thought much of it. Then I saw something online today and realized… that’s probably herpes.

I’ve never been diagnosed, I haven’t had an outbreak in years, and I’ve never been sexually active. But when I looked up “cold sores and herpes,” everything clicked, and I freaked out.

I asked my mom, and she said, “Everyone gets cold sores,” so I don’t think she even realizes what that means. Maybe she gave it to me when I was little. I don’t know.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I really like this girl, and I’m scared that if I tell her, she’ll leave. Or worse, she’ll think I’m gross.

It’s weird because I know it’s not supposed to be a big deal, but it feels like one. I feel embarrassed, and I don’t even know why.

I know I sound like a dramatic teenager, but it honestly feels like my life is over.

DEAR ELLIOT,

First, let’s get something straight: you’re not being dramatic. You’re being honest.

What you’re feeling right now is what most people experience the first time they realize what herpes really is. The word itself feels heavier than the truth.

Here’s the truth: you’re okay.
HSV-1 causes cold sores, and almost everyone gets exposed to it, usually as a kid. You probably got it from a family member who kissed you when they had one. It’s one of the most common viruses on the planet.

This isn’t something you caused, and it doesn’t say anything about who you are. You’re not broken. You’re not risky. You’re not less deserving of love.

And the fact that you’re already thinking about how to protect someone else, that says everything about the kind of person you are: thoughtful, responsible, and kind.

That’s what love looks like. Not perfection, but honesty.

How Can You Tell Someone You Have HSV, Without Letting Fear Take Over?

Here are a few gentle steps for when you’re ready to talk about it:

1. Learn before you share.
Read about HSV-1. The more you understand it, the less scary it feels, for you and for them.

2. Wait for the right moment.
You don’t have to rush this. Choose a calm, private space where you both feel safe.

3. Say it simply, without apology.
You can say something like:

“I’ve had cold sores since I was a kid; they’re caused by HSV-1, which is super common. I haven’t had one in years, but I wanted to tell you because I care about being honest.”

That’s it. No guilt, no shame, just truth.

4. Expect curiosity, not judgment.
Sometimes people need time to process new information. Let them.
If they care about you, they’ll want to understand.

5. Remember: this doesn’t define your future.
You can still date, fall in love, and live fully.
Herpes isn’t the end of your story; it’s just a small detail in a much bigger one.

If you would like to learn more, visit Chapter 1 - The Dating Bible

One day, you’ll look back at this moment and realize it wasn’t the end, it was the beginning.
The moment you learned that honesty isn’t something to fear. It’s something to be proud of.

You’re not too young for this, Elliot.
You’re just learning what it means to love with awareness.
And that’s a lesson many people don’t learn until much later.

Read more letters on Dating With Herpes, and explore The Dating Bible for guidance on dating with confidence and compassion.