Dear Taylor: Am I a Hypocrite for Not Wanting to Date Someone With HSV-2?
Maya never expected the real challenge would come later, not from the virus itself, but from the complicated space between empathy and self-protection.
That’s where she finds herself now, standing at the edge of intimacy with someone who understands her experience, yet still feeling afraid.
Dear Taylor,
I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 in June after a single encounter with someone who didn’t have any visible symptoms. It was a shock. I had no idea you could get HSV-1 through genital contact. I thought it was just “cold sores.” The first few weeks were awful, but now, a few months later, I’m feeling more at peace with it.
Recently, I started dating someone new, his name is Jordan. He’s kind, honest, and funny; all the things I’ve been hoping to find. He also told me he has genital HSV-2.
That’s where I’m stuck. Things between us are getting more intimate, but I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of contracting HSV-2 on top of HSV-1. I know that sounds ironic, maybe even hypocritical, because I already have herpes. But the thought of “adding” another strain scares me.
Part of me feels guilty, like I don’t have the right to say no when he’s been so open with me. But another part of me feels protective of my body and my boundaries. I don’t know what’s fair, to him or to myself.
Is it wrong to pull back because of this? Or am I just being cautious?
DEAR MAYA,
When I read your letter, I could feel your care in every line, the tenderness you have for yourself and for Jordan. You’re not being hypocritical. You’re being human.
You’re trying to find a balance between empathy and self-protection, and that doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you thoughtful.
This isn’t really about judgment; it’s about safety, emotional and physical. You already know how heavy stigma can feel, and you don’t want to add to anyone else’s pain. That’s compassion. But you’re also allowed to listen to your own discomfort. That’s self-respect.
You can hold both.
You can care for someone and still need space to understand what feels right for you. That’s not a contradiction, that’s honesty.
When you’re caught between compassion and self-protection, try this:
1. Take your time.
No rule says you have to move quickly. Learn about HSV-2, talk to your doctor, and take space to process your emotions. Knowledge helps quiet anxiety.
2. Boundaries are not rejection.
You’re not turning away from Jordan; you’re simply protecting your body and peace of mind. Boundaries don’t end connection, they help shape safe ones.
3. Keep communication open.
If you’re honest about what you’re feeling, you’ll learn a lot about how this relationship can hold space for truth and care. That’s how trust is built.
4. Don’t let stigma rewrite your story.
The idea that you’re “a hypocrite” is what stigma wants you to believe. But your diagnosis doesn’t cancel your right to choice. You can still decide what’s right for your health.
5. Let love unfold naturally.
If Jordan is as kind and understanding as he seems, he’ll meet you where you are, with patience. Real connection can hold uncertainty without breaking.
You’re not doing anything wrong, Maya. You’re doing something brave, choosing honesty over avoidance, care over fear. That’s how healing begins.
Read more real stories on Dating with Herpes, and explore The Dating Bible for thoughtful insights on dating with honesty, courage, and self-respect.