Dear Taylor: When the Promise You Expected Never Comes

Sometimes love becomes a mirror with sharp edges. It reflects what we give, what we hope for, and what we fear to admit. Wanting commitment isn't shallow; it’s about wanting stability, safety, and partnership. And when herpes, disappointment, and long-term sacrifice enter the story, the question “Why hasn’t he proposed?” becomes a deeper ache: Why hasn’t he chosen me with the same devotion I’ve shown him?

Dear Taylor,

I’m 32, raised in a traditional family where commitment is the foundation of a relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend (35M) for almost five years. We have a four-year-old child together. Everyone, my family, his family, friends keeps asking why he hasn’t proposed. It’s the same question in my heart, too.

Four years ago, my family sat him down and asked about his intentions. He didn’t run. He said he wanted to marry me. But years passed, and nothing happened.

I finished residency last year, started homeschooling our child, and worked nights so I could be present during the day. I was even ready to move three hours away to live closer to him, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my community without knowing we were truly aligned.

Recently, I found out from his friends that he planned to propose in early 2023. But he didn’t.
Instead, in mid-2023, he unintentionally gave me genital herpes. He got it from someone he hooked up with back when we were “unofficially dating,” and the pain of that has been overwhelming. I cried every day for months. I had outbreak after outbreak, and he’s never had one.

Meanwhile, I continue taking care of our child, cooking, cleaning, and keeping our connection alive, even long-distance. I’m financially stable, debt-free, a great mother, a committed partner… and yet the proposal never came.

I’m ready for marriage. I want more children. I want a future built on commitment. Why is he dragging his feet?
Why am I giving everything and still left with uncertainty?

DEAR ANNE,

Let’s start with this: your feelings are real, valid, and deeply human. You have shown resilience in ways most people never see: motherhood, night shifts, long-distance commitment, cultural expectations, and a diagnosis that shook your world. Through all of that, you still show up with love.

This isn’t just about a missing ring. It’s about the gap between what you offer and what you receive.
It’s about the herpes diagnosis that entered your life without preparation or care.
It’s about trust that cracked.
It’s about feeling like you’re carrying the emotional labor for two.

When you ask, “What’s the hold up?” you’re also asking:
Why am I the only one fighting for the life we’re supposed to be building together?

Here’s what may be happening underneath:

• He may love you, but love alone doesn’t guarantee readiness.

• He may rely on your sacrifices without fully understanding their cost.

• Guilt about herpes might make him avoid deeper conversations.

• You might be waiting for a proposal to validate everything you’ve endured.

• And he may not realize how deeply this delay is hurting you.

Now let’s shift to the part where you reclaim your clarity and power.

What Would Help You Feel Safe, Supported, and Chosen?

1. Redefine what marriage means to you now.

Not five years ago. Now, after motherhood, distance, herpes, sacrifice, and heartbreak. What are your non-negotiables?

2. Speak the emotional truth you’ve been carrying alone.

Tell him what the herpes diagnosis cost you: physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Healing requires honesty, not endurance.

And while healing, support your immune system: consistent sleep, reducing stress, staying hydrated, eating lysine-rich foods (salmon, dairy, legumes), and considering supplements like monolaurin can help stabilize outbreaks and support overall wellness.

Learn more about it here: Regain Control Over Your Health With Monolaurin

3. Ask the question that brings clarity:

“What would need to change for you to feel ready for marriage?”
This isn’t about blame, it’s about understanding.

4. Measure his actions, not his intentions.

Intentions sound sweet. Actions build lives.
Is he matching your effort? Showing emotional responsibility? Carrying his half of the weight?

5. Stop relocating emotionally, financially, and physically for someone who hasn’t moved toward you.

You’ve already given enough to show your commitment.
If he wants you there, the initiative must come from him now.

6. Remember: devotion should never require self-abandonment.

Your loyalty is beautiful. Your sacrifices are real.
But you deserve partnership, not waiting rooms, not uncertainty, not emotional leftovers.

Read more letters on Dating With Herpes, and explore The Dating Bible for guidance on dating with confidence and compassion.