dear taylor: I Told My Friends I Have Herpes and I Regret It

When Jason found out he had herpes, he thought the hardest part would be processing the diagnosis.

He never expected that the real pain would come later, not from the virus itself, but from the people he trusted most.

Telling friends about herpes — Dating With Herpes blog story on stigma and compassion

Dear Taylor,

When I found out I had herpes, I thought the hardest part would be processing the diagnosis. I was wrong.

The real pain came later, not from the virus itself, but from the people I trusted most.

I remember it so clearly. We were in my friend’s basement. My hands were shaking. My heart was pounding. I just said it: “I tested positive for HSV.” No warning, no gentle intro. Just truth, spilling out like a confession.

At first, there was silence. Then came the awkward laughter, the questions that weren’t really questions:

“Wait, so we can’t share drinks anymore?”
“You shouldn’t hit my vape, right?”
“I think you need to bring your own stuff from now on.”

They said it like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one.

I tried to explain that herpes isn’t spread by sharing drinks, that you can live normally, but they weren’t really listening. They were afraid.

And for the first time, I realized something I can’t forget: stigma is louder than science.

Now I feel isolated and embarrassed for even saying anything.
I thought telling them would make me feel lighter, but it only made me feel smaller.

How do you come back from that?

— Jason

Dear Jason,

When I read your letter, my heart ached, not because of the diagnosis, but because I know exactly how that silence feels.

You did the brave thing. You were honest. And that kind of courage deserves respect, not distance.

But here’s what I want you to remember: this isn’t really about herpes. It’s about fear, and how uneducated most people still are about something incredibly common.

Your friends weren’t trying to hurt you; they just didn’t know better. Most people don’t.

They hear “herpes”, and their brains go straight to every stereotype they’ve ever absorbed.
It’s instinct, not cruelty. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

The truth is, herpes is one of the most common viruses on the planet. What’s rare is the ability to talk about it without shame.
And every time someone like you speaks up, that stigma gets a little weaker, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

So, how do you move forward after something like this?

If you’ve opened up about herpes and faced judgment or distance, you’re not alone. Here’s what stories like Jason’s remind us:

1. You didn’t do anything wrong by being honest.
   Vulnerability takes courage. Their reaction doesn’t erase your bravery.

2. Choose your circle carefully.
   Not everyone can handle truth with grace. Share your story with people who have shown empathy before.

3. Educate with patience, not pressure.
   Fear can’t be forced away; it has to be replaced with understanding. Offer facts, but protect your peace first.

4. Find your safe spaces.
   There are entire communities built on support, openness, and shared experience. You deserve to feel seen, not avoided.

5. Redefine what acceptance looks like.
   Sometimes healing means realizing that the people who step back weren’t your people to begin with.

The right friends, the right partners, the right people, they won’t flinch when they hear “herpes.” They’ll lean in, not step back.

Read more real stories on Dating with Herpes, and explore The Dating Bible for thoughtful insights on dating with honesty, courage, and self-respect.